Robert Hamilton 
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In the third post of his “Essential PM Skills Series”, PM Exercises’ Coach, Robert Hamilton, discusses why empathy is an important skill for PMs to master. Learn more below.
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In the second post in this series I wrote about the importance of critical thinking to focus on what matters most to Product Managers. Just because you’re a critical thinker doesn’t mean you have to become a robot. We are encouraged to make data-driven decisions and to focus rationally on the facts. Still, when we leave out feelings, we are setting aside a significant aspect of human behaviour.
You may sometimes think that some other part of your org, or one of your team, is behaving irrationally. But remember that when you see someone behaving in a way that makes little sense to you, they are nonetheless probably doing what makes the most sense to them right now. They have a different perspective. They feel differently about the situation. They are not you.
I am a big fan of the notion of the Wise Mind — recognising that we make some decisions with the rational side of our brains and others with the emotional side. Wise Mind lies at the intersection of facts and feelings.
Empathy is the ability to understand other people’s feelings. PMs are often told they need to be able to understand their customers’ needs. That’s certainly important — many times you’ll work on something where you can’t really be the user, and it’s helpful to understand the motivations of a group you’re not part of. Similarly, being able to put yourself in the shoes of people in your team and beyond is just as valuable.
If someone is fighting hard to keep ownership of a project, ask yourself why they might be doing that? Is there a history of them losing ownership? Is the project one they had to fight for?
These motives are probably not things you can accurately guess — you may have to ask why it matters so much. When you’re trying to make sense of a perspective you don’t understand, try to listen against your biases. Instead of anchoring to your own outlook, wondering, “Why doesn’t this person agree with me?”, ask instead, “Why might this person think the way they do?”.
Coming back to the Wise Mind, it can be hard to use data to convince someone who is making a decision based on their feelings. If you want to change someone’s perspective it is useful to know how and why they gained it in the first place.
We build up our empathetic skills through practice; by listening more and listening differently. Try to ask open-ended questions and don’t give extra weight to answers or points that suit your own worldview. Sometimes it’s important to dig into the differences rather than focusing on the common ground.
“Tell me more about that” is a very powerful phrase because it doesn’t pose a question, and it indicates that the person’s view matters. Empathy is not about agreeing with people, and being empathetic does not mean you are a pushover.
Bijan Shahrokhi 
